See,I’ve been thinking…

I’d like to state for the record that I am not working….or employed…or whatever. The plus side is that my current state has given me some time to think.

Most of the thoughts, I’m sure you’ll relate, pertain to making money. I haven’t been this innovative since that time when I decided I wanted to be the singer called Voracious Reptile. Speaking of, Clever J (of the manzi wa nani fame) kind of put an end to that idea.

So, I have wondered what options are open to me. How do I make a name for myself. How do I get to trot the globe and what not? I will become an evangelist. As I await anointing I have a couple of niche areas I’m looking at.

Boda-bodas;

There are two ways I could play this. One of them entails me preaching to all boda boda riders, yeah, all 15 of them and then hoping I’ve done my part. The alternative, and I think this is the way to go, involves me being the rider and ministering to my passenger(s). The way I see it, my routine will go something to this effect;

Me: Boss, are you going? Chief? Manager? Baby?

She: Yes, how much?

Me: We will talk, you don’t worry…

During the course of the ride…

Me: Madam, you…

She: Call me Baby.

Me : Baby, you don’t have to pay, all I want from you is acceptance that you will take Jesus as your Lord and saviour.

She: Who? You want me to be saved? Shya! You take my money and my phone number, you are insulting me…eh eh, why are you swerving like that on a smooth road, why are you jerking around like that, there are no humps. OH MY GAWD!

Success

An innocent by-stander:

As people keep walking past a spot I go into a sob story with a moral at the end and ask them to accept Jesus.

“If only…oh man, if only. Hey, stop walking away from me…what do you mean you know me. I did what? When? I have never been a boda boda rider…it was..ah okay you go.”

“You, yes you. Don’t you sometimes wish life was fair to you? I’m not saying there’s anything wrong, but I mean, look. You’re walking. Wouldn’t you rather be driving? Yes? Okay now give me like 20,000 and I will hook you up with a visa to heaven. Now, you place your hand on any car you want and it will be yours to…hey, not the moving vehicles…”

Might be a success

Conductor:

Pretty simple really. As the taxi sets off, issue threats. It may be construed as vehicular terrorism, but what do they know, right?

Me: I want you to love Jesus.

Passenger: I already love Jesus.

Me: Eh? Okay, now I want you to pay me because you love Jesus.

Passenger : Huh? That doesn’t even make sense.

Me: Pay me or else I will embrace you…what’s that? 1,000. I get more for just sitting on people.

Passenger : Okay here is 20,000.

That’s better…now your fare?

To Be Continued